March 22, 2022
American Family Center, Inc.
Who is texting you?!
Power, coercion and control are the building blocks of abusive behaviors, but can controlling behavior be caused by jealousy, or is it a bit more complicated?
An interesting paper published in the US National Library of Medicine* reveals that the real culprit behind jealousy is actually distrust. It describes the dynamics of jealousy as varying degrees of low self-esteem and insecurity, each associated with varying degrees of distrust.
Relative to intimate partner relationships, jealousy is often caused by the perception of a romantic attraction to a potential rival. The longer low self-esteem and insecure emotions remain unaddressed, the greater the likelihood of jealous behavior.
Enhanced by today’s digital world, distrustful behavior can be magnified by suspicious perceptions of what may be happening privately on an intimate partner’s personal device. Snooping through emails, text messages and social media are all typical symptoms of distrust and can easily cause an escalation of jealous behaviors that ultimately result in physical or non-physical violence or abuse.
What can you do if you’re feeling jealous?
Recognizing that jealousy can also be a positive emotion, below are some “Trust Tips” to help respond to any distrustful emotions:
- Take some time to breathe and stay calm so you can think clearly.
- Consider talking with a therapist or trusted friend.
- Take comfort in knowing your partner is with you because they want to be with you.
- Mind-reading doesn’t work. Make time for a thoughtful conversation over your concerns (avoid just before bed or just before heading out the door).
- Trust yourself and give your partner the benefit of doubt. If it’s time to breakup, you’ll have the confidence of knowing you did the right thing.
- Physical or non-physical abuse is never okay.
USEFUL LINKS:
- How to Break Free From Your Jealousy by Robert L. Leahy, Ph.D.
- How to Deal with Jealousy in a Relationship by Sheri Stritof
- Risk Factors for Intimate Partner Violence Perpetration
References:
* The Price of Distrust: Trust, Anxious Attachment, Jealousy and Partner Abuse
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